'Twas the week before Christmas

As it is nearly Christmas I'll be very nice
To the players and posters (some who skate on thin ice)
There may be some sarcasm in this report
But take it in good spirit and don't take me to court

Before the game we were invited for a drink with the ‘Top Brass'
So we assembled in the snug of The Bridge en masse
Many celebrities from this board turned up
To wish each other a Happy Christmas and have a good sup

There was Claret Tony sat in his place
With a beaming smile upon his face
Sat alongside him was jdrobbo
But his face was full of drunken sorrow

Martin Bell was sat in his ash tray
Had a fight with a fag end and was charged with affray
Spijed asked questions but no answers he got
J50 ordered pie and peas twice and ate the lot

Elwa was the first to wish me all the best
He didn't know I was writing this as a guest
At half past two Burgerfast was on his eighth beer
And surprise surprise bedfords didn't appear

I texted helm to see where he had got to
But he may have a valid reason so give him his due
So I left The Bridge just after HC
Who was on his way home to have his tea

So off to The Turf and up the stairs in a jot
It must be Christmas – the pies are hot
Made my way to my seat by five to three
And looked forward to all the points with glee

McGreal was missing and so was Gray
But still a good side I'd have to say
Kyle Lafferty was chosen to play up front
And GNW to whom the ball we could punt

Coyne started the game in the nets again
But soon came off with a hamstring strain
The Beast replaced him between the sticks
Would he need to use his bag of tricks

Elliott was again busy on the right
Got over many crosses – a goal was in sight
But Gifton missed a chance for one nil
So he had a rest and decided to chill

Thomas and Duff looked great at the back
But we need a goalscorer in Santa's sack
We created many moves towards Derby's goal
Is a striker on his way? Do we have a mole?

Talking of moles still no word from hlem
Perhaps he is sick or full of phlegm
We got to half time with no shot at the net
A phone call to Ladbrokes – nil nil was the bet

A word for Billy Davies the Derby boss
How his team are nearly top has me at a loss
The bloke's a horrible little elf
I hope his wife clears off and leaves him on the shelf

The second half was much the same
Avery entertaining and even game
Stead may as well have stayed at home
And so should Elliott the little gnome

Steve Jones tried to score as best as he could
Stead looks to have eaten too much Christmas pud
Lafferty shone in a good Clarets' display
All we need now is a fit Andy Gray

A special mention to referee Pike
Please go and get on your bike
Take up fishing and catch a cod
You wholly incompetent sod

So it all ended in a draw
Our defence had no flaw
But the midfield at times was so deep
A clean sheet they were so desperate to keep

My man of the match to Lafferty
And try to find a word to rhyme with that!!!!
He covered every blade of grass
And will become a player of great class

Now a thought for missing fans
And those empty seats in the stands
Come on New Years Day to watch your team
We need your money to fulfil our dream

Finally well done to Arsenal today
A great 6-2 victory and totally outplay
A crap Blackburn team with no class or zip
That are coming down to The Championship.

Good luck to Steve and the boys in 2007.

Happy Christmas.