Oh I do like to be beside the seaside

Last updated : 05 March 2009 By Tony Scholes
Christian Kalvenes
Christian Kalvenes - won it with his first Burnley goal
I thought the place was a shambles last season at £17 but the conditions facing us last night for the vastly inflated £27 on the night had to be witnessed to be believed. I don't often question my sanity for touring the country watching Burnley because I simply love doing it. But last night I wondered what the hell I was doing in the hovel known as the half a ground. Thankfully Christian Kalvenes reminded me at just about 9:30 p.m.

We'd been warned about snow and rain and a severe drop in temperatures. I'd prepared as best I could for that, but there was little any of us could have done in the ridiculous Gene Kelly Stand to protect ourselves against the biting gale force winds.

"There's a seaside town called Blackpool that's noted for fresh air and fun." Not quite, the whole place looks run down and in all honesty this shocking Championship ground fits nicely into place. The only positive thing I can say about it is that it's better than Brighton's Withdean Stadium.

We arrived in good time and eventually made our way to the turnstiles just over half an hour before kick off. The stewards were more than happy to tell those who hadn't been before just how bad it was inside, but there had been some improvements with last season's white mud replaced with some uneven tarmac.

Once inside the first thing noticeable was the attention seeking Lee Mason warming up. He was delighted when someone mentioned they'd seen him on television and boasted about how he's on so often now. I just informed him that handball on the line in the first two minutes should involve a penalty and a red card and would do with a referee with some bottle. He muttered something under his breath.

A search for a suitable seat proved unsuccessful but my choice, and what a bad choice, was one almost on the half way line on the very back row. I suppose it gave me the best view but it was concerning for much of the night as each gust came close to blowing us over, yes it really did.

'Tinker Man' Owen Coyle said he was going to freshen things up. He did. Out went Michael Duff, Stephen Jordan, Wade Elliott and Steven Thompson. They were replaced by Clarke Carlisle who was back at his first club, Christian Kalvenes, Chris Eagles and Kevin McDonald. The first two of those, Carlisle and Kalvenes, were to have a big impact.

Quite how I can report on the game in any detail I don't know. In truth it was something of a farce. Players struggled to deal with the appalling conditions. It was so bad that at one point in the first half it took some three minutes or so for a goal kick to be taken. Brian Jensen looked a frustrated figure as he kept putting the ball down only for it to roll away.

At one point I thought Mason was going to card him for time wasting as he marched down to that wonderful Bloomfield Road end of the ground where the only company for the Beast was a tin hording.

There were opportunities. Blackpool might have scored in the first two minutes, and at the other end Kevin McDonald had a shot cleared off the line with Martin Paterson unable to get anything on the rebound.

I thought we were perhaps a bit fortunate not to concede a penalty, but I felt Mason was favouring us a bit again and he turned away shouts for handball against Steven Caldwell.

When former loan goalkeeper Paul Rachubka had similar problems to Jensen with a goal kick midway through the first half it appeared Mason had had enough of it. He marched off the pitch and certainly spoke to both managers before going into the tunnel and speaking to someone else.

I was convinced that was that and it would be abandoned. Blackpool boss Parkes claimed Mason wanted to abandon it and I was convinced that he should have done. It was impossible to play any football and I remain convinced, despite the result, that he was wrong to continue.

We got to half time with the scores level at 0-0 and I think this was the last chance to call it off. When they emerged for the second half it was always going to be played to the final whistle.

Paterson had an early opportunity but Rachubka saved, but for a long period it was the home side in the ascendancy. They caused us some real problems from a number of corners as they pressed for a goal. I'd every sympathy for our goalkeeper and defenders, how on earth they continued to defend so well in the conditions was beyond me.

Jensen made one good save from a shot from distance but then almost gifted Blackpool a goal when he didn't hold the ball. Thankfully he reacted well to recover the situation.

We made changes but it made little difference and I'd long decided I'd accept a 0-0 score. Jensen had picked up an injury and was struggling, yet with Penny warming up we made a third change meaning there would be no change in goal.

For the Burnley fans things got worse. At least it had been fine virtually all night, but now the rain finally came and it was a lot more than that fine stuff that wets you through.

But it was forgotten when, out of the blue, we got the all important goal. I don't know what the odds were on Kalvenes scoring the first goal but he got onto a ball from Chris McCann in the box and so calmly slotted it past Rachubka.

The Gene Kelly went wild, the whole thing had been moving all night in the gales but now it was in serious danger of causing major problems.

I looked at the watch but I didn't need to because quite simply we were never troubled again, I don't think the lashers had another attack and after three minutes of stoppage time we'd got our first away win of 2009.

It really is a double celebration. Apart from moving us into seventh place it leaves Blackpool just one place above the relegation places. If there's any justice they'll end the season lower than where they are now and they'll go back down exactly where their club and ground deserve to be. They treat people with such contempt, the sooner they are gone the better.

For us, it's back to seventh and now we can go into our wonderful trip to the Emirates on the back of a win. Just a point on that, our pensioners last night had to pay £4 more than they will on Sunday.

It's almost unfair to choose a man of the match because it was really unfair to judge any player in those ridiculous conditions, and just to think a four sided ground would not have had those problems.

Unfair it may well be but I have to salute the performances of our two central defenders who were so assured it what have to be horrendous conditions for defenders. Steven Caldwell made three superb challenges in the second half to keep us level, inspiring stuff, but I do believe that he was edged out by the returning Clarke Carlisle who looked nothing like the player that had been struggling in the games before he was left out.

Overall, it was an awful game but it could never have been anything else. We brought the points home though, and it was worth it for that.

Thanks Christian, otherwise I would still be questioning my sanity this morning.

The teams were;

Blackpool: Paul Rachubka, Danny Coid, Shaun Barker, Alex Baptiste, Stephen Crainey, Gary Taylor-Fletcher (Roy O'Donovan 60), Charlie Adam (Graeme Owens 82), Claus Jorgensen, David Vaughan, Brett Ormerod (Nick Blackman 65), DJ Campbell. Subs not used: Matt Gilks, Keith Southern.
Yellow Cards: Shaun Barker, Stephen Crainey, Claus Jorgensen.

Burnley: Brian Jensen, Rhys Williams, Clarke Carlisle, Steven Caldwell, Christian Kalvenes, Graham Alexander, Chris Eagles, Kevin McDonald (Jay Rodriguez 84), Chris McCann, Robbie Blake (Wade Elliott 56), Martin Paterson (Steven Thompson 60). Subs not used: Diego Penny, Joey Gudjonsson.
Yellow Cards: Christian Kalvenes, Kevin McDonald.

Referee: Lee Mason (Bolton).

Attendance: 7,679 (including 1,072 Clarets).