Not a happy bunny

Three questions then: will Gray score today, will we score from a corner and will we score from a penalty at long last? One of those three you might think will happen.

Controversy before the game even began with the ticket allocation. Dozens of Burnley fans who wanted tickets were unable to find them. Instead of the area behind the goals which Burnley fans would have just about filled, today we are crammed into the horrible Southeast corner which has a limited capacity. It's the corner near where I used to get free tickets for my little school in South Leeds. That was about ten years or twelve ago and I usually sat bored stiff thinking what am I doing here, there are better things to do with my life on a Saturday than sit at Elland Road.

Mind you I was there on the night they dismissed Brian Clough. Now that was pure drama. A few dads and me had arranged to take a few lads down for a ground tour. We got there to find cameras, lights and hordes of photographers. "For me," I wondered? "What on earth for?"

Hell no, they were there for the departure of the great Cloughie and if you want to know the story read 'The Damned United a Novel' by David Peace. An amazing book, the sort you read and think now why didn't I write that? We saw it all happen, the grim faced man walking to his car, the buzz, the drama, the scurrying photographers, microphones shoved in his face. It was a car the club had bought for him. I think he kept it… good for him. A teacher I worked with was a friend of Paul Madeley, one of the Leeds players, and she used to come into school in a morning and gleefully tell us all the horrible pranks Revie's players had played on him, how obstructive some of them were (but not all), and how uncooperative. Without Peter Taylor as the 'nice guy' poor Brian didn't stand a chance. So he took the car and his settlement to Nottingham; got Taylor back again, and look what they did at Forest. I always wonder what Leeds directors, fans and players thought after that. But what a night that was when we saw Brian Clough leave Leeds United.

Anyway, what's all that got to do with today's game? Not a lot to be sure but it's one of the things about Elland Road imprinted in my little brain, as is the 4 - 1 win here back in the 70s, and the 2 - 1 win here a couple of seasons ago.

At this moment in time, Leeds' Ian Moore, Moore, Moore is confident of amassing enough points to stay up and expects a bit of grief from the travelling Burnley fans. He points to the fact that he has yet to score against his former club. Both he and Blake enjoyed their time at Burnley and he notes the recent three consecutive wins and wishes the game had been two or three weeks ago.

The Game: Today: bright, warm sun but off to a bad start when I discover the slugs have got to my newly planted cabbages. The Mrs has sprinkled organic anti-slug pellets around. But obviously they only work on organic slugs.

The bad start continued at Elland Road. The lucky ones were those who couldn't get a ticket. This was a case of after the Lord Mayor's Show, a no-show, a down to earth back to the drawing board display that produced more groans than thrills, and was only interesting from the Burnley perspective for the crowd support and the vocal backing. In a word it was 'orrible. Leeds deserved to win. The only plus was the lovely sunshine and the fact that I was back home by 5.30.

The Norwegian Clarets packed away their flag after the game. All that way to watch that. The Abergavenney Clarets folded away their banner. All that way to watch that. I know exactly what the London Clarets will be thinking on the way back home.

Thank goodness our little purple patch earned us those 9 points. No matter what S Cotterill says or thinks the bottom line is not once did we look like scoring today. Corners were as ever dreadful. The ball was hoofed forward long and hopeful… the measured swift passing of the last three games vanished. Crosses from the left were too low, as ever at shoulder height or less. As ever crosses from the right were too long and sailed past the far post. One shot from one player who shall remain nameless went out for a Leeds throw in. Jensen made a couple of fine saves, and Leeds hit the bar.

Their goal was a demonstration of the perfect corner. Swinging in to land on the 6 yard line in front of goal, and one of the Leeds giant centre backs powering in, rising above everyone else to thump it home. It was a perfect lesson in how to get up high and really attack a ball in the air.

The two Leeds centre backs, sort of mobile Eiffel Towers, had Gray in their pocket, and then when Akinbiyi came on gobbled him up as well. Neither of them mustered a shot, unless I missed it.

In truth this was a display so very like many of those in the winless run. It bore no resemblance whatsoever to the football we saw versus Plymouth and Cardiff. As for the three questions I asked: There was no Andy Gray goal to break his famine, there was no goal from a corner (for us) and I'll wager a shilling that there won't be one this season. And there was no penalty for us. The reason for that might just be that we do not get enough players in the box. Nor do we have no players who will run at pace with the ball into the box taking men on and causing panic.

"It was as if the players already have their thoughts on the beach," wrote JDRobbo.

Classiest player by a mile was Leeds full back Gray who gave as good a performance from any player I have seen this season.

And, AND… your correspondent had a tiff with a steward. There we were me, and the Mrs at Half time, standing minding our own business, leaning against the rail three rows from the front down at pitch level, the steps and aisle empty, not a person in sight, causing no obstruction, and this bloody jobsworth comes and says oy you can't stand there. You have to stand behind your seat.

Ah but we're standing here to let people in and out of the row… we have the end seats. We're up and down like yo yos.
No doesn't matter you can't stand there; you'll 'ave ter move.
But there's no obstruction at all, look how wide the gangway is.
Doesn't matter, move please.
But we're not hooligans we're pensioners… would you like to see my bad leg?
His nostrils flared. Small flames came out.
We moved.
He left.
We moved back.
Tosser.

We are by no means back in the mire, but after this defeat, we are certainly not in the comfort zone. There is still work to do and my cabbages need cellotaping back together again. I am not a happy bunny.