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I recall the days when we just had the football, that is if you exclude Basil Dearing's attempts at a firework display in November 1985 that forced the closure of the Bee Hole End. People used to turn up, pay their money, and watch the game. Apparently that's no good now, we need to attract people with a whole range of activities, most of which are not football based and to be frank are of no interest to football fans. And surprise, surprise, the ground remains virtually empty until just before kick off.
Still, at the least the paras were bringing the ball in, although I did joke and said if one landed on the cricket field stand roof it might get it condemned. It all seemed to be working quite well as one after the other they appeared at speed between the Longside and cricket field stands before landing successfully. That was until the last one arrived, well not quite arrived, he somehow managed to miss the pitch altogether and landed on the cricket field stand roof.
Apparently, at Aston Villa in 1998, a similar event led to a major accident with a parachutist eventually having a leg amputated, but at least there didn't look to be any injuries sustained this time. However, as the debris dropped from the archaic roof the club quickly volunteered the information to the crowd that there was a health and safety issue and the game would be delayed by half an hour, a very accurate and immediate assessment as to how long it would take to get him down.
For a short while it was funny, but that quickly turned to frustration and no small amount of anger, but we turned this into pure farce as time went on. At around 3:30 the new announcer told us as they'd now got him down the players would come out to warm up ahead of getting the game started.
"You don't know what you're doing," cried the fans, hardly surprising given that the para was still up there on the roof. As time moved on and frustration grew, they then decided to ask for some people to move their cars to enable the fire engine to get into the cricket ground to get him down.
Now at 3:00 p.m. the game couldn't start with a man on the roof because of a health and safety issue (I can't wait for the explanation of that one) but at approximately 3:50 p.m. it was suddenly safe to play despite him still being there.
Eventually, during the first half of the game, the fire engine duly arrived and the poor man was lowered back to the ground. Still with over 11,300 inside the ground, and a fifty minute delay to kick off, I'll let you do the maths to work out how many man hours were lost with this latest Circus Turf Moor cock up.
"It could only happen at Burnley," read one text I received, whilst another from a friend of mine in Sunderland waiting for their tea time kick off against Liverpool said the entire pub he was in was taking the **** out of us (you know what I mean). Jeff Stelling on Soccer Saturday suggested the parachutist had been yellow carded for descent.
One thought, Chief Exec Paul Fletcher did say new procedures would be in place to ensure everyone got in before kick off following the Inverness game, maybe that's what it was all about, or was it to give them a chance to sell more pies?
And so to the game, if you really want to read about it. It started like crazy with the players going at it like caged animals just set free. There were a couple of dodgy looking incidents, none more so than one involving former Claret Alan Lee, before the game settled down.
When it did settle down it was the Clarets who took the early initiative as we tried to wipe out the memory of the week before against Sheffield Wednesday. There were early chances for us and Ipswich were more than once thankful to goalkeeper Richard Wright.
There was nothing Wright could have done about an early Joey Gudjonsson header at it not just flashed wide following a right wing cross from Wade Elliott, but he saved well from Clarke Carlisle, Chris Eagles and Martin Paterson as the Clarets looked to grab the lead.
It didn't happen and at times we just didn't get the ball into dangerous areas often enough, more content to pass the ball around the pitch, but in all honesty Ipswich were hardly causing us any problems.
Then disaster struck, not once but just as it was last week at Hillsborough it struck twice and the game was all but gone from our grasp. The first came from a left wing corner needlessly given away. It was headed back into the middle and the shot from Liam Trotter would probably have not have gone in had it not deflected off Graham Alexander.
That was on 34 minutes and just six minutes later came number two. This time Kevin Lisbie headed goalwards only to see his effort well blocked by Joey Gudjonsson. Unfortunately it dropped back for him and he stuck it in this time, or did he? It still looks questionable whether he did or whether Alexander put it into his own net.
From then on there is very little to report in truth. There was a big shout for a penalty early in the second half but that was about it. In fact Ipswich were the more likely scorers and Lee twice should have added a third but was denied by Jensen.
It was desperate stuff now from the Clarets. We made a couple of changes and Kevin McDonald did his utmost, but the second half performance was frankly horrible.
And then we put the tin hat on it with a bizarre third goal. Ipswich won a free kick in their own half and punted it up the pitch. It was met by Stephen Jordan who calmly headed it in past the advancing Jensen for goal number three.
That was the signal for the ground to empty and empty it did. There weren't many on to start with, the lowest first home crowd attendance at this level since 1982, but they simply poured out leaving the ground virtually empty when referee Tony Bates finally, and mercifully, brought it all to an end.
We left shaking our heads at this performance. Ipswich were not a good side on the day but in the end they got the points all too easily. There's work to be done with this team, make no mistake, and I'm not convinced that all the problems are at the back as some seem to think.
There's no doubt that defensively we are not good, that's a frightening fifteen goals conceded in our last four home games. A new goalkeeper has been brought in, and one new defender but neither made the starting eleven yesterday, Owen Coyle opting to go with a keeper and back four that he inherited.
I thought we were woefully weak at times in the midfield and we didn't honestly create that much in terms of chances, but those attacking players know that this Burnley side concedes goals all too easily when put under the slightest bit of pressure.
It has to change and it has to change quickly, we desperately need to get some points on the board just as soon as possible.
As for the off field nonsense, that's easy, just scrap the crap Burnley and concentrate on the one thing that we all turn up for every week - the football.
The teams were;
Burnley: Brian Jensen, Graham Alexander, Clarke Carlisle, Steven Caldwell, Stephen Jordan, Joey Gudjonsson (Kevin McDonald 56), Chris McCann, Wade Elliott, Robbie Blake (Ade Akinbiyi 55), Chris Eagles (Alan Mahon 83), Martin Paterson. Subs not used: Diego Penny, Christian Kalvenes.
Yellow cards: None.
Ipswich: Richard Wright, Alex Bruce, Gareth McAuley, Richard Naylor, Ben Thatcher, Jon Walters (Pablo Counago 90), Liam Trotter (Owen Garvan 70), Velice Sumulikoski, Kevin Lisbie (Danny Haynes 77), Alan Lee. Subs not used: Shane Supple, Pim Balkestein.
Yellow cards: Velice Sumulikoski.
Referee: Tony Bates (Stoke).
Attendance: 11,312 (plus one parachutist for the first 25 minutes of the game).