Clarets have an Owler of a day

Last updated : 27 April 2003 By David Clark

Star Geezer - Matt O'Neill
Here was yet another pathetic Clarets display served up before a good sized home crowd most of who either left before, or seriously considered departing before the final whistle blew drawing a close on a very sorry home sequence of games.

The Clarets have won only three times at home in 2003. Before April 2003, Clarets had gone 115 years since last conceding seven goals in a first team home fixture. Now this team, using the phrase in its loosest of forms, has managed this embarrassing feat twice in three weeks.

Clearly there are problems, big problems and right across the entire first team set-up. Neither keeper can currently be trusted to hold a new born baby, the defence leaks like dodgy plumbing and the midfield has already broken up for its summer holidays.

This summer’s major surgery is quite simply a key one for the Club, the squad is on its knees and most fans are at breaking point. Please don't offer injuries as an excuse, its a factor no doubt, but if Watford and Sheffield Wednesday can amble in scoring seven each, we're missing more than a couple of players currently.

The afternoon began on a sad note with local hero Andy, Andy Payton and Paul Cook taking their Turf Moor bows to well deserved ovations, their retirements coming too soon for many a paying Claret. Quite why neither was allowed to play out this final game was puzzling, particularly after what was to follow.

There is little point dwelling on what followed as a supposed competitive game, except to say that crass and unique should be descriptives for such a ridiculous afternoon, but for Clarets fans, performances like this shoddy one, particularly at Turf Moor this season, where such has become the norm, though this was the worst result of any team in the Nationwide league this season.

The only thing that was bizarre in this game was that all four 'keepers were used, both first choice keepers having to depart through injuries and three of them could only be described as clowns. Still for what its worth, here is a run through of proceedings in a game that saw youngster Chaplow make his first full home League start.

After only two minutes Wednesday raced into an early lead, McLaren’s speculative bouncing shot going straight through Nicos "Coco" Complacentos whose movement to the ball was both pedestrian and amateur.

Party scenes in the massed ranks of the visiting end followed as on five minutes Wednesday doubled their lead. Barry-Murphy's cross was allowed to pass straight through the six yard box and the mixture of Greek and French resulted in cock up number two, Nicos Staticos not bothering to tell dozing Arthur Nowhere of Westwood's position and the lanky striker had little difficulty nipping in and finishing with ease from within the six yard box.

Nicos slightly redeemed himself a minute on keeping Kuqi's header out, the defence keeping its no marking policy intact. McGregor was deemed the fall guy and an early tactical switch took place after only eight minutes, youngster O'Neill taking to the field in his place.

On ten minutes Taylor's neat pass put Moore in on goal but his shot was typically weak and the ample frame of Pressman was able to collect with an ease he should not have had. Moore showed even quicker feet when kicking out on twenty minutes. Quite how the linesman failed to see the act of violence from all of five yards was mystifying, but 4,000 Wednesday fans and ref Clattenburg were among the many who did see the act of absolute stupidity.

Two goals down and a man down, what a great example to show the young Clarets, who then had to attempt to make up the difference with seventy minutes remaining.

Star Gazer - Ian Moore
Chubby chap Pressman left the field on twenty five minutes with a leg injury, his replacement had Stringer on his shirt, but his performance was more like Charlie Caroli, fumbling his way to the final whistle.

The Clarets farce meanwhile became a joke on the half hour when the third goal went in, Wood's mishit shot beating Coco on the third bounce as he obligingly fell over on the goal line. Ten minutes from the break and Nicos collided with Arthur as the two tried to defend a decent cross, the stretcher needed to carry a dizzy keeper from the field.

Marlon (Popov) kept a clean sheet, well for ten minutes up until the break that is, and after Clarets pulled one back, Blake sending Caroli the wrong way from the spot after O'Neill's cross had been handled. So off they trooped for no doubt soothing therapy, trailing 3-1.

Within a minute of the restart it was 1-4, Popov deceived by a cross cum shot from Evans way out on the touchline, 4,000 Wednesday fans enjoying their afternoon further with their former stopper somewhat embarrassed by his misjudgement.

As in the first half, Clarets hadn't prepared for a game and the fifth almost arrived seven minutes in, Marlon saving well, with the defence completely absent. Caroli allowed Blake's straight shot at him to pass through his hands and over the line before he could recover, most Clarets fans chuckling rather than cheering the game by now.

Sticking to the youth policy, saw Armstrong replacing Maylett and Marlon was once again in action, this time saving a well struck volley as Wednesday threatened to run amok, a tactical switch seeing Mr Versatile-Branch move up front as a makeshift striker. Versatile had two efforts of note and Caroli lived dangerously with both, but survive he did - just.

Armstrong's one small step for mankind left stud marks in a rib cage and he could be thankful for only a yellow card. Further punishment came from the resulting free kick, a scrappy ball forced home by Haslam after Popov had fumbled a loose ball on the hour mark.

Arthur obligingly stuck out a leg and diverted a harmless cross past Marlon for goal number six, before Davis' blatant obstruction highlighted a complete lack of midfield desire from most players in Claret.

The seventh duly arrived with five minutes left, Quinn's thirty five yard drive going in off the post allowing Wednesday's fans to conga for one last time.

The juvenile plonkers who ignored all the warnings to stay off the pitch at the final whistle denied most fans their chance to applaud the players. But in truth the players had already spoiled it, many fans not bothering to wait any longer than necessary to clear the stadium.

Att:- 17,435 with 86% expecting to see First Division football.

Star Gazer

Well it could be a goalkeeper, or a defender, there were so many reasons to choose either or both, but top clown of the day goes to Ian Moore. What a great example to the youngsters when one of the senior pro's kicks out as he did. A long, hard look in the mirror required here from a £1m rated player.

Glass Half Empty

87 goals. 87 bloody goals. No wonder your head hurts when you come away from watching the Clarets after all the head shaking from this season.

Star Geezer

Matty O'Neill. Showed neatness, composure and a willingness to take on and beat his man throughout. A young professional in a schoolboys performance.

Glass Half Full

Is it really August in four months time?