A Turf Moor farewell

Last updated : 01 April 2006 By Clarets Mad
Turf Moor is already established as a wedding venue
Following on the success of the recently introduced Wedding Day events in the James Hargreaves Corporate area, which now mean that you can not only celebrate a wedding with your Reception, but actually hold the complete ceremony at The Turf, even holding the ceremony in the dressing rooms, the club have announced that a complete Funeral package can now be offered.

A club spokesman has exclusively told us that “We are always looking to increase revenue streams and after long and heartfelt discussions we have decided that many Claret fans would love the chance to celebrate their funeral at Turf Moor. “

“For this purpose we shall be going into partnership with Funeral Directors, Burnham and Berry, and will be converting a section of the Jimmy McIlroy void into a state of the art funeral parlour.”

“We have been thinking for some while that the quietness of Turf Moor would lend a genuine dignity to the occasion and the part of the Jimmy McIlroy void to be used, will be renamed Turf Morgue. What Turf Moor offers is good access, good parking and exceptional catering and bar facilities afterwards. A funeral that takes place on a matchday, in the morning, would be a wonderful send off for any die hard Burnley fan.”

A second club spokesman added that this new facility is simply part of the ever-increasing community involvement. “We narrowly missed receiving the top award for Community involvement at the recent gala annual awards ceremony. We feel that a funeral programme may tip the scales in our favour next year. To our knowledge no other club has thought of this and yet again Burnley Football Club will be groundbreakers. In preparation we have already added to our music library with orchestral versions of Abide With Me and You'll Never Walk Alone, two anthems that are certain to be popular, and a little more appropriate than “Is Thid The Way To Amarillo?”

Clarets Mad is not entirely sure about the ethics of a football club holding funerals. Scattering of ashes at football grounds is a widely accepted feature of football club culture, but to hold an actual funeral ceremony, takes this culture to a new and possibly overly commercial level. Wedding events have been a great success. Christenings are also very acceptable. We are aware that the club must explore every fund raising activity possible, but this new venture may seem rather questionable.

Clarets Mad therefore invites you to post your views on the message board and we are prepared in this matter to give any feedback to the club. Basically the question is: would YOU be happy to have your funeral at Turf Moor in the Turf Morgue?

The club too have an open mind on this at the moment and the spokesman added, “Matters are at the moment at the discussion and feasibility stage. Responses are welcomed. Many clubs have a managing director, a commercial director, even a director of football. At Burnley we are asking why not a funeral director?”