100 Greatest Clarets - Paul Fletcher speaks

Colin Waldron - correctly placed at number 90

Before I explain the spoof I need to let you know what it was like in those days, with a tale about the annual Christmas turkeys. There was tremendous competition in the dressing room (as young kids were coming in from all over the country to play for Burnley) and everyone in the squad was constantly under pressure to be in that 1^st eleven - every week.

You always wondered what the Club thought of you. Each Christmas Bob Lord gave out Christmas turkeys to all the players and everyone knew that your standing at the Club was equivalent to the weight of your Christmas turkey! Colin Waldron, as captain, always got the biggest, and then you hoped you were somewhere near the weight of his bird, if you know what I mean. A low weight and you could be out of the door! (One Christmas Brian Flynn's turkey was so big it carried him home!)

So I thought I'd play a prank which suggested that there was a big London celebration of the FA Heritage Committee (it doesn't exist) who asked a random group of supporters to choose their top 10 and top 100 Clarets.

He's where the second joke comes in. If you've ever heard comedian Mike King tell the joke about Mrs Gandhi's fruit cake you'll know what I mean, when the 1^st prize is a trip around the world on the QE2 and the 2^nd prize is a xxxxxxx fruit cake!

I made the prize for the top 10 players a £2,586.00 engraved Gold Omega watch (this is a verisimilitude number which 'appears' believable); with the prize for players voted 50 to 100 a "special edition Club scarf" (note: I got a watch and Dobson, Kindon, Casper, Flynn, Waldron, Thomson, Noble, Docherty and Nulty were all in the 'scarf' category).

And they all fell for it. ha ha; with Mrs Carole Dobson reportedly saying "I'm not travelling down to London paying £135.00 a ticket to watch you receive a xxxxxxx club scarf!*!

A bit of fancy graphic design on the letterhead and it became a real spoof - for my old team mates I thought.

I'm sure the majority of seasoned supporters would have seen through the letter and noticed the many red herrings:

Some players were from pre 1960
Gascoigne would never have made anybody's top 10
Neither would Fletcher (maybe not the top 100)
Burnley players/supporters would never spend a night in the same room as Blackburn Rovers players/supporters
Martin Dobson a legend, international and club captain was far better than 64!
Make your own mind up what the letters GBD stand for after the author's name
The main sponsor Daehbonk needs to be read backwards

So finally, another apology to the Burnley supporters whose blood was boiling on seeing such a subjective list with endless errors in it. It's pranks like this that brought me and my team mates great success in the 1970's, our team spirit was second to none and we'd always laugh our socks off afterwards!

The only thing I will say about the list, is that Colin Waldron is in the correct position at No 90, well below Jim Thomson and Billy Ingham! Hope you agree.

We've had a lot to smile about this season haven't we?