Handily Placed

Last updated : 23 December 2010 By Dave Thomas
Chris Iwelumo
Chris Iwelumo - we could become unstoppable
"Remarkable naivety… utter loss of composure" summed up the Burnley picture. It made for gloomy reading for us Clarets in Yorkshire. Overall they described it as a scintillating game where there could have been even more goals had both sides taken more chances. It was fascinating to see they thought this was real scalp and a famous victory. Clearly they didn't know what we knew, that this was a Burnley side that in truth was brittle, vulnerable and behind the pre-game bravado, totally unsure of itself. The myth of Fortress Turf Moor has been built up on a mixture of wins that were thoroughly deserved, but others that were extremely fortunate and very last minute.

The Tuesday Leeds Evening Post pointed to something else in the fans responses. One of them said that this was not so much a game of two halves, but two half-time talks. Whilst one manager gave a talk that led to nothing and defeat; the other gave a motivational speech right out of the top drawer. Step forward Larry Grayson, whose meal that night was in the company of his Claret supporting neighbours and friends.

Burnley AGMs are usually tame affairs. Few people can remember the last time there were real fireworks. At the latest one the nearest thing came from the manager Brian Laws who took exception to the Lancashire Telegraph reporting of his post-match comments.

"Don't Blame Me, Blame Team," was the offending headline and the manager argued that it was unrepresentative of what he actually said. He and the team were angry, he said, when they saw this and it had galvanised them.

"I had to have a meeting with my players because of this rubbish."

Perhaps my mental powers are slipping but it seemed to me (and dozens of others) that in fact he was accusing the team of being unprofessional and complacent. In my previous life if I'd said to someone that their job was about being professional after they'd dropped a clanger or two, then the clear message would be that they had been unprofessional. It was Suzanne Geldard who wrote the piece although it was a sub-editor who used the headline "Don't Blame Me, Blame Team." Truth is, it's all semantics, and you could send yourself dizzy arguing about it, but surely if you accuse the team of being unprofessional and complacent, then you are indeed blaming them.

"Clarets Board to meet to discuss Laws' Future" came next on the Telegraph placards. It seemed reasonable to think that by now the Board was aware of supporters' opinions and this was a deteriorating situation. It's D Day for Laws as Burnley Board Meets, headlined the next Suzanne Geldard piece undeterred by criticism. Her understanding was that the 5-man Board would meet to discuss whether or not Laws would lead the run of 5 games in the 16 days. At the AGM Chairman Kilby insisted that a finish outside of the top six would be seen as failure. An "authoritative source" then revealed that the meeting due to take place was cancelled at the eleventh hour. The Daily Mail then joined in saying there had been "a Tuesday meeting" with "Brian Laws on the brink as Burnley lose faith". Accurate or not, it was all indicative of the growing unrest and media awareness. A telling comment was that Steve Cotterill had never generated this amount of denigration, not even during the 19-game winless run. In fact much of the Laws criticism on the message board was outright vilification.

I looked with shock at SKY News when the anouncement came that Big Sam had been sacked at Blackburn. Just what do the Venkys think they've bought there - surely they didn't imagine they were the owners of a BIG club with BIG ambitions and BIG potential where a BIGGER manager than Allardyce was needed? They must be dafter than the chickens they raise. Just think, for all you know, the chicken you bought for Christmas Dinner at Lidl, Aldi, the Coop, or Harrods might well have been a Venky chicken. Now there's a hentertaining thought. Sam's dismissal was a real puzzle, a henigma you might say. Allardyce's eggsit was totally unexpected but a Venky spokesman (a Venkyloquist) said that what they wanted was for Rovers to be fourth or fifth in the League or even better. This left us all wondering what planet these guys were from as we settled back to watch the comedy show of the year and hopefully their rapid plummet to the bottom three.

Allardyce, apparently, was not thought glamourous enough. And unbelievably the Venky (Rao) brothers were mooting (according to Alan Nixon) Maradona as replacement in some capacity, if not manager, then consultant. Big Sam, who allegedly collected £4.5million severance from Newcastle, stood to collect another £1.5million from Rovers. This must be chicken-feed to the Rao lads (Balaji and Venkatesh) I fancy. My local Indian by the way, The Three Singhs, does a lovely Onion Balaji.

Meanwhile the Burnley Board, despite denials, did hold a meeting, said the Telegraph and the agenda included amongst other things, the manager. The Telegraph next revealed that he had kept his job even though three of the Board members favoured dismissal. It was reasonable to suppose that one of the members supporting Laws must have been the chairman. By my reckoning, (and Wikileaks), this was Laws' FIFTH reprieve since 8 games before the end of last season. The club was silent. For Cardiff Brian Laws was still manager. The game was called off however owing to adverse weather. I suppose you could call that the sixth reprieve.

What devastated us all though was the untimely death of Ralphie Coates at just 64 years old. The reputation of the man meant that it made the main BBC News. He was revered at Burnley and loved at Spurs. At one he was a big fish in a small pond and the team revolved around him. He was the team's star player so he was targeted and kicked black and blue over and again. He never complained. Andy Lochhead used to tease him when they met up at re-unions and dinners and say that it was only Andy's goals that made Ralph look so good. Ralphie would just laugh. In fact they both did because they both knew that many of Andy's goals came from Ralphie's pin point passes and crosses. But at Tottenham he was a small fish in a big pond, struggled at first, persevered and then when he scored the winner in a League Cup Wembley Final, the Spurs fans took him to their hearts as well. Because I wrote about him in the first No Nay Never, I was able to talk to him several times and then meet him at a couple of dinners. He was one of my real football idols, and when he used to answer the phone and said "Oh hello Dave" so warmly, and chat as I I'd been a best pal for years, it never failed to make me feel ten feet tall. Our heroes do this to us.

The rumour mill continued. Laws would be dismissed on Tuesday 21st; Laws had to win 4 points from the next 6: Laws had to do this or that. Meanwhile he defiantly announced he did not think about the sack and Iwelumo announced bravely that the Clarets could be unstoppable when games resumed.

His optimism was kind of punctured by the transfer request that was slapped in by Brian Jensen. I guess this was a matter of time following his demotion to the bench. In a Sunday sports paper Jensen in a feature on his new book, and privately to a supporter, revealed that he had no idea why he had been dropped and that it had been for no reason. For sure he had done nothing wrong in the season so far so that it did come as a surprise when Grant kept the place after the Villa Carling game. One can only surmise that Laws was just waiting his time before making Grant the first-choice keeper. One can only surmise too that Grant had perhaps been agitating prior to that. Why else would he sign if he did not think he would be first-choice fairly soon?

Some fans responded by suggesting Jensen should fight for his place. But that's what he had been doing throughout his career - seeing off one competitor after another. Perhaps at the age of 35 you get tired of doing this. Read his book and you get an insight into his feelings and desire to carry on playing for some years yet. In your middle thirties the last thing you want is to be sitting on the bench. If he feels he is at his peak now, that is all the more reason. Nor was the request prompted by money. He admits that Laws gave him the best contract extension and pay award, he has ever had and that Laws was amazed by how low his previous salary was. The discussions will rage for a long time about how good, or how error prone he was. But he played nearly 300 games, and true in some he dropped a few bad 'uns, but he was brilliant just as often. Perhaps that was the problem; you never quite knew which Brian would turn up. I'll remember away at Bradford City when Robson said he was world-class; a bit of hyperbole for sure but what a game he had. Reading at home in the promotion season, Cheslea away in the Carling and Arsenal home in the Carling are just a tiny handful of the memorable games. Fom the messageboards it came across that these were the games that most people remembered. And for sure during the whole of the 2008/09 season he was one of the players, along with Blake, Carlisle and Alexander, who played out of their skins. Spitting the dummy out; or understandably worried about the rest of his career? Opinion was divided between those who sympathised and those who were critical of his request.

There was a bit of merriment and a few raised eyebrows when Iwelumo came out with his remark that Burnley could come back and be unstoppable. The evidence so far indicated otherwise. Brian Laws then suggested that Burnley were handily placed (5 points outside the play-offs) to sneak in unnoticed.

"It's a very good position to be in because you can sneak in under the radar." As gobbldygook goes it was a beauty. Being in this position meant, he added, all the pressure was on the top two and there was no pressure on Burnley. I tried to relate this to me in my other life and not getting the kids in my village school to the required SAT level 4 by the time they left.

"Ah but Chief Inspector, I know they're 11 years old and only at Level 3 and therefore below where I want them, but you must understand they are handily placed to sneak unnoticed to Level 4."

I suspect he would have told me I was talking bollocks and so would the parents.

Three games to come in less than a week; three games that could probably decide Brian Laws' future and the rest of the season for Burnley. Nice to be handily placed then with no pressure.