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Anyway it was good to be there to see a game again and what a belter it was. The pitch looked superb, and the shots that rained in, on target, in the pre-match shooting-in session were impressively accurate. Most weeks they go high, wide and handsome. When Gudjonsson was here it was always fun to have a bet with Mrs T as to whether he would blast one straight through a Jimmy Mac window. No kidding, I did actually think, watching these shots crash in that Hull might well be in for a hiding if the practise session was anything to go by. Anyway, I kept my mouth shut. My forecasts are usually worse than Mystic Meg.
But so it turned out and what a treat it was with purple patches of football to match the colour of Jensen's kit. Maybe we should have been warned to bring sunglasses to shield our eyes from the garish, dreadful purple kit that Jensen wore from head to toe. It was the first time I'd seen it and thought it was an aubergine on legs. Perhaps this kit was the reason why Hull didn't have a single meaningful shot on goal. Maybe they thought he was from Matalan; in the final third they kept well away from him.
The first two goals were almost Arsenalesque. Iwelumo added two more to his collection. Afterwards he modestly said "I'm just doing my job." He had been instructed not to do too much work, but just be in the box when the crosses come. That's seven goals in nine League games, and two of them coming in Brian Laws' 700th League game as a manager. Even if he stands around on one leg for 88 minutes in a game reading the programme, but scores twice, he'll do for me.
Eagles scored two and his first was pin point passing training ground stuff. An audacious lob from 45 yards was just inches/tipped away when he saw the keeper off his line. His recent performances have been what we have wanted from him since he arrived. Is this linked to his own confession that he has got his head straightened out after his brief flirtation with Rangers? Against Hull he was superb. Is it any coincidence, too, that Mears performances have been better, that his whole attitude looks good? Brian Laws alluded to his earlier problems that along with Premiership football he had lost his focus, but his mind was now where it should be following his relegation hangover and what seemed to be general disinterest. "He's got his head right now," said Laws and commented on the early season body language that most supporters had commented on as well. Then there was the group picture of the whole smiling Burnley squad out in the Far East - but on the fringe looking like Billy No Mates was Mears with a face as long as a poker.
For sure against Hull he was back to his rampaging best and if he is a player who needs to be told that he is wanted; then here you are Mr Mears - at your best you are indeed wanted and valued. We Burnley fans are a simple lot; we support those who support us. We give our loyalty to those who give everything for us.
What a joy it was to see so many Burnley players running at the Hull defenders particularly Cork, Mears, Eagles and Elliott. Corporal Jones' mantra works. "They don't like it up 'em Captain Mainwaring." And if we are to have a defence that still remains jittery and vulnerable every now and then, it does help if you can ram four goals in at the other end to give yourself a cushion. Mind you (cue hilarious, hysterical laughter) that doesn't seem to work at Elland Road.
But what an edgy, heart in mouth game Bikey had, in one of his 'casual' I can do this with one eye shut moods. So commanding in so many games this season, but against Hull so laid back and relaxed I thought he might have brought a settee out with him, resulting in a level of carelessness that there were moments when I just hid my eyes and could only groan "aaargh." On the occasions that he has games like this, Carlisle must have nightmares. And yet, somehow even at the last minute, or when the forward seems to have left him, he sticks out a toe, a leg, or gets in a block, and retrieves the situation, leaving us all shaking our heads at how he has got away with it, and with just a few more grey hairs.
For the third goal we had the extraordinary sight of Eagles and Bikey wrestling for the ball to take the penalty. Brian Laws confessed to having omitted to discuss penalties, pre game, and with Alexander no doubt grezzaling on the bench, there was the undecided matter of who should take it. Anyway, Bikey to the relief of all of us surrendered to the new don't-mess-with-me Eagles. "He'll miss," I said to Mrs T. Wrong again. He smacked it home and nearly broke the net. The lad is on fire.
Four goals up, and Laws changed things round. We went off the boil, missed the chance to score 7 or 8, Hull looked a bit better, their loyal fans sang away, but eventually slunk away. Their messageboards are an unhappy place to be. All of us went home happy and there was even a chant of Brian Laws Claret and Blue Army for a short while. Now there's progress.
Sometimes, the next day, it's a pleasure to write the diary. This was one of them, even though the English rain was back with a vengeance.
And so to Millwall, the delightful docklands or what's left of it, pie and mash, the cultural centre of Sarf East London. With my forecasting skills I was happy to predict Millwall 1 Burnley 0 for this game and then hope for the opposite. Opinion was growing that it was time we had an away win.
Contrary to popular legend that the club was founded by dockers in big boots, it actually originated in a jam factory. The dockers turned up later. One of their first grounds was built on something that smelled so awful that if you bathed for a fortnight, you couldn't get rid of the whiff. The old stadium at Cold Blow Lane was "special. It was rough, tough, proud and prickly, warm and wild, all at the same time." It became a badge of honour for away fans to go there and come out alive.
Matchday was a day when they celebrated their 125th anniversary with parades and a programme that cost a fiver; a celebration of 125 years of "let's giv 'em a good kicking," ripping up seats, bovver boots, aggro and how to plan a successful ambush if it's Millwow v West 'Ehm. The New Den is where you can study for a degree in pitch invasions. They're all 'ard cases and try to sound like Ray Winstone. Steve Claridge in his new book says they're all "geezers and 'Wall are a magnet for some of the worst geezers around, lads who fancy themselves as being a bit handy."
4-0 down at Turf Moor some years ago, they ripped up most of the seats in the Cricket Field Stand and left in droves. Then at 4-3 they started to come back in but then "doh" remembered they had nowhere to sit.
Despite his severe case of constipation Clarke Carlisle was in his usual place in the back four. CC does a health blog and regaled the nation with the tale of his hospital visit necessitated by the severe, inexplicable pain he was enduring. Some things I always feel are best kept private; stools, erectile dysfunction, piles and constipation are four of them. Personally I have no problems in any of these departments. Perhaps, therefore, it should be me doing the health blog. There is in fact no one, single type of constipation. It can mean hard stools, infrequent stools, or a sense of incompletion after the passing of stools. Stool impaction is the one that brings tears to your eyes. Alternately passing hard and then soft stools, is known as "falling between two stools." Medically speaking constipation is defined as less than three passing movements per week. The best and most obvious example of this is Blackburn Rovers.
I told Uncle Arthur. He had one of his jokes ready… This woman had constipation… so she went to the doctors… so he said are you doing anything about it… and she told him she sat in the bathroom for half an hour every morning and half an hour at night… but it was no good… so the doctor said… are you taking anything… and the woman said yes I take a book.
Ah well there was no first away win at Millwowl. But there was a well earned point in a grim, gritty, grinding war of attrition in the Isle of Dogs where away fans are advised not to wear their scarves and colours until they get in the ground. Millwaw had 18 shots to Burnley's three, 11 corners to Burnley's three. Carlisle was sent off within 7 minutes for a rash, lunging tackle. Deliberately malicious and dangerous, no; clumsy, impetuous, mistimed, yes; a red card, no; this should have been a yellow.
Bikey went off with a rib injury after 14 minutes. On came Duff and Cort (who began his career at Millwall) and spent most of the game defending, backs to the wall. Against the run of play Burnley took the lead through Rodriguez with a header from an Eagles cross. The lead lasted just 4 minutes. Millwowl must have been kicking themselves (instead of other people) for not taking all three points. Every player gave a hundred percent, Jensen made some superb saves. The Burnley party will no doubt have travelled home in good spirits.
"It felt like a win," said defender Cort. The messageboards rang with praise for Brian Laws and the players received an ovation at the end of the game for a display that showed commitment, tenacity and total determination. The Burnley manager questioned the Carlisle red card. The Millwall manager agreed with it. No surprise there then. Referee Stroud should look at a replay of the deliberate and cynical tackle by Collins on Lennon, who was in on goal, in the Spurs v Villa game, for which he received just a yellow. It's infuriating; Carlisle now misses three games pending an appeal.
QPR still top, Bristol City bottom and Burnley hang on to 6th spot. Accrington Stanley on course for promotion, Liverpool on course for relegation. Sven Eriksson finds another pot of gold at Leicester City. Just how does he do it?